Laugh Without Fear?

This verse always gets to me. Before cancer, a fear of the future was always on my mind. I was always wondering if this or that would work out. I lay awake many nights, unable to sleep, worried about the future.

But all of that changed when I leaned I had leukemia. That one mountain blocked out all the other little "problems" I thought I had.

Even now I still wonder, what does my tomorrows hold? What if the cancer comes back? How will I find the strength to fight it again?

What is this strength and dignity that the woman in the verse is clothed with? For a long time I thought that meant I needed to be strong and dignified by myself. I tried, endlessly, to be strong enough, to hold my head up, to keep going. But having my very life hanging before me made me realize the powerful truth: the strength and dignity come from God, not me. I could never be strong enough on my own.

And did you see that she is "clothed in strength and dignity"? I love that imagery. She doesn't just pick it up when she needs it. She doesn't hold on to it so that she could possibly drop it or leave it behind. She is clothed in it. It is with her wherever she goes, whatever she does, God's strength and dignity is with her, covering her. Like a shield of protection.

The woman who is clothed in God's strength and dignity does not need to fear because she doesn't have to face anything on her own. 

That is why she can laugh without fear of the future.

I cannot tell you how relieved I was to not to have to be strong on my own! Some days now I wonder, what if the cancer came back? How could I fight it? I don't have to. God's strength and dignity clothe me now. If it comes back, I will have nothing to fear. If it comes or doesn't God will be with me, and that is enough. The days ahead no longer hold a ransom on me.

I am free to laugh without fear of the future.

-Rachael