It Is Time

It is easy to forget what a 21 year old should be doing. We should, in part, be having a blast during school breaks because that is the only time we get for ourselves. Last night I got to remember, and it was wonderful.

My neighbors (everyone is a neighbor in the country) threw a pool party. The air was cool but they had warmed the pool water so it didn't matter. They had glow sticks enough to make bracelets, crowns, and what ever else we could make of them. they also had a bunch of balloons filled with glow stick floating on the water. We had soda and pizza at like 11 at night. I jumped off their deck bunches of times.

The sky was so clear I could count every star. The sight stole my breath away. I had a hard time ripping my gaze off the heavens to talk to people. 

I have never been one for parties, being the introvert that I am, but at this one I had a lot of fun. The late night, with the stars and the glow sticks and all, I just couldn't help thinking these are the kinds of things I should be doing when I am 21. Not worrying over doctor visits. Not fretting about needles. Not in a constant state of think of the "what ifs" that could haunt my life. 

I guess I could have had (and did) have fun last summer, but everything felt overshadowed by my treatment. I was constantly asked, "How are you doing?" and "You are not over doing it are you?" I was the first one checked on, the first one questioned about my current condition. I do not wish to say that I should have been ignored or that I didn't think kindly on these people because they cared for me. I needed all the checking up on I could get.

But this summer... this summer I can feel things are going to be different. This summer I get to remember what it is like to be alive. My new normal is remembering that I am allowed to stay up late and have fun.

-Rachael