In Years Past

Some things never really change. And most of the time we don't want them to. We want things to stay the same because the same is safe. Even if that thing is hard, changing would be harder because change means facing the unknown. I know that if I want something I have never had, I have to do something I have never done.

In this season of I am reminded every year of just how much has changed in my life. This time three years ago, I was so sick I didn't want to go to work or hang out with friends. I would find out in just about three weeks that I had Leukemia.

Two years ago I was starting to recover from the toxic chemo, then two months into having my hair back. I was struggling to find my balance in a new life that was completely uncharted: the life of a survivor. No doctor could promise me anything beyond my next breath.

One year ago I was still on chemo and struggling with the mood swings of my medication. I was working at a job and trying to pretend to be normal when I felt everything but. I remember crying when I would get home from my job for no other reason than because I felt bad. I felt like I was living a lie by acting normal around everyone. But to show the truth would have hurt so much more. I was fearful that my parents would make me quite my job or worse pull me out of college.

And this year? Well, this year I am not sick, not even a cold. I am feeling better than I have in a long while. Actually, I can't recall the last time I have felt so full of hope.

My new normal is showing me that change can be a good thing. That change can bring about hope. Even if it take three years to actually enjoy Christmas again.

-Rachael

p.s.

I am very thankful for my life this Christmas, but I am most thankful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.