Life has a funny way of always being a struggle. I know well of deep hurts and everyday struggles in this life. I feel like I have just weathered the last storm, just had time to fix my sails and take a deep breath, when the next storm hits.
School costs more than I thought.
Some old chemo side effects came back
I need to take a different class next session but it conflicts with another class I need.
Old fears resurfaced.
I am going to have to stay an extra semester at school (anticipated graduation date is now December 2017).
I don't have time for a job but I need money.
All of those things happened in just the last month alone. I can tell you I have done my fair share of crying about them. I have asked, no, begged God to calm the storm around me. I can't move on, I thought, I can not keep going until these storms are calmed. My boat can do nothing in these tossing waves.
But here is the thing about storms in life, they don't need to be calmed for me to keep moving forward. Sometimes, God doesn't want me to stay in the boat anymore, he wants me to get out and walk on the waves. But why would I even consider walking on water if I have a boat to sail with? In reality, I wouldn't. During the good times, when the sea is calm, I am most content to stay in my boat and sail on.
Yet during a storm, I have but two options if I want to keep moving forward: wait for God to calm the sea, or step out onto the water. And to be honest, I hate the moment I realise this storm I am in isn't going to end anytime soon. That God's lack of answer to my problem, is my answer. He wants me to witness something far more miraculous that just a storm that stops. He wants me to realize that when he calls me out of the boat, he intends to teach me to walk on the water.
That first step is the hardest, but really, there is nothing miraculous about getting out of the boat, anybody can do that. But once I let go of the boat and I realized was not drowning joy filled me. Yes the storm was still going on around me. But I was doing something I never thought possible!
I asked questions and found loan money I had forgotten to sign for.
The side effects didn't keep me down and slowly melted away again.
The class I thought I needed, is no longer a requirement. And because I dug deeper and asked questions, I will get a class of my choice to substitute for it.
God taught me through a Bible study how to face my fears head on. And now they melt away mere moments after appearing.
Staying an extra semester means I will graduate with all of my friends instead of early by myself.
My new normal has taught me that the most amazing moments in life were not when God calmed the storm around me, but when he taught me to walk on water.
-Rachael
